Wait For Me
by fei3
Summary: How long would you wait to hold love in your hands? Aya reflects on the choices he has to make, and the one hope that drives him on. Songfic.


Author's notes:

This is my first songfic. To be honest I have absolutely no clue how it should be done so am just experimenting here. This is based on Bee Gee's Immortality. Prefer the version sung by Celine Dion though. I just had this urge to write a fic out in third person Aya's POV 'cos some parts of the lyrics seemed to fit him to a T. Though it definitely sounded better in my head than out on paper. *grimaces*

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Warning: OOC Aya. I based him more on the manga Aya than the anime one, so he will appear a bit more emotional. But still, some of you would likely find him too sappy. Gomen na. **Also, **I know that for most songfics, the stanzas and the phrases of the song do not merge with the writing. However, I've used some of the phrases as Aya's thoughts so please do not skip them as it would then appear rather incoherent.

Don't own Aya or the other person mentioned. So have to indulge in my daydreams and come up with things like these. *hangs head*

Enough blabbering. Try to enjoy this? 

Words in bold and italics are the lyrics.

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Wait for me

by fei

**__**

"So this is who I am,

And this is all I know,

And I must choose to live,

For all that I can give,

The spark that makes the power grow"

This was nice.

Tilting his head up, he let the hot spray soak through his blood-red hair and run rivulets down his toned body. The water stung slightly, the heat irritating the numerous cuts on his form. But it was all good, the steam from the spray sterilising him.

He could pretend that it was just a normal ritual. An act of cleansing that had to be performed at least once daily. As long as he didn't open his eyes. As long as he didn't witness the red that he knew would be running off of him.

Not his own, the blood. He wished it wouldn't cling so adamantly to his skin. But it always did. A reminder of who he was, of who he had chosen to become.

No time for regrets. It was what had to be done. There was still a long way to go. No time to get all mushy about it.

Stepping out of the stall, he grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry himself detachedly, violet eyes drawn towards the fogged up mirror, like it was trying to hide him from himself. A smirk. A pale hand reaching out to carelessly wipe away the haze to reveal the truth.

This was another ritual he submitted himself to everyday. Like a form of punishment, a cruel reminder. No reason why he shouldn't be doing it today.

So cold, the visage. So cold, the glass he was trailing his finger on…tracing over fine eyebrows, high cheekbones, thin lips…

The person he was looking at, he didn't recognise him at times. 

Someone he didn't want to be. Someone he needed to be.

He needed that coldness, that anger, that focus, that strength, to achieve his goal. 

He wouldn't admit it, but he scared himself sometimes.

Aya Fujimiya…

Cold eyes studied critically the vision before him. Not a very loveable person, this man. No wonder others shied away from him.

But there was one who never shied away. There was one who never ran.

The rich purple gaze softened unconsciously as his thoughts drifted, the hint of a slight smile making his presence known on those thin lips.

There was one.

Would he be there waiting for him where all this was over? Would he wait for Aya to achieve his goal, and for Ran to come back again? 

******

**__**

"And I will stand for my dream if I can,

Symbol of my faith in who I am"

He jerked awake again. 

Another dream. The same scene. How many nights had he dreamt of that, only to wake up panting, sated, but so empty?

He couldn't deny it anymore. 

He ached to do what he did in the realm of unconsciousness. To hold that person in his arms, to pull him tight to his body, to caress that firmness, to nuzzle his face in his sweet-smelling hair.

He needed to be loved. He needed to love. No matter what anyone thought, he was capable of love. He never doubted that about himself.

If he could only show it. To show it to him, the one deserving.

But it wasn't the right time. 

Not yet. Not yet.

He knew he was selfish, not giving any form of reassurance whatsoever. Just one-sidedly basking in the concern so freely given, just soaking in the warmth.

He knew the time would come though, when he could return those feelings without any inhibitions, when he could once again give into his feelings without fear of them weakening him.

The time would come when he could freely utter the words that had been running through his head for so long, the words calling him back from forever losing himself in being Aya…

**__**

'But you are my only…'

Would his only one wait though? Would he wait?

******

**__**

'And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,

And I won't let my heart control my head'

He was doing it again. But he couldn't stop himself.

Stealthily, a pale hand reached out and turned the knob, pushing open the barrier that would allow him to rest eyes on a sight that never failed to soothe his tired mind and soul.

There he was, innocently curled up on the bed, entangled in his blankets, the smooth skin of his bared torso gleaming alluring under the light of the moon. So beautiful. A creature from heaven. Did the creature know the sense of peace he brought him?

Leaning against the doorframe, violet eyes once again softened. How he wished to go up to him, to run his fingers through those tousled locks, to caress those soft, tanned cheeks. To whisper to him words he had wanted to utter for so long…

But no. He couldn't give into his emotions yet. He needed to stay focused on his goal.

As usual, his heart warring with his mind. As usual, his mind won.

Sighing, he turned to leave, though not before mouthing quietly the words:

**__**

'But you are my only…'

Silently, he closed the door, once more reinstating the physical barrier, not the only one between two souls.

Making his way back to the dark haven of his room, he once again reiterated the promise he made to himself, and the man he loved:

**__**

'We don't say goodbye,

We don't say goodbye…'

That word would never come between them, that he would make certain of. 

The time would come when he would be deserving of that love. Because he knew…

**__**

'And I know what I've got to be'

Not yet. Not yet.

But soon, they would be together.

******

**__**

'Immortality'

"Aya! Aya, stay with me!" 

That choked sob, that desperation in the voice called him back, pulled him up from the darkness he had become lost in.

So warm, the hand on his cheek. So warm, that wetness on his skin. Was it tears? Or blood?

He struggled to open his eyes. His reward - a pair of beautiful, expressive orbs staring right back at him. A beautiful face crumpled by sorrow. That emotion didn't belong there. He wanted it gone.

A trembling hand lifted to caress the lovely face. How he had longed to do that. A small smile traced his lips as he gently wiped away the tears lurking at the corners of those dark pools. So beautiful. So perfect.

He couldn't take his hand away. The tears wouldn't stop.

"Aya. Don't leave me." The sweet voice, so pleading.

Leave? No he wouldn't leave. Not before he could cherish the creature in front of him. He would live for him.

No words could express the warmth filling his heart as he saw those eyes brighten as he spoke, even as more tears spilled from them.

"I won't leave. I won't."

He wished he could say more. But not yet. Not time yet. Not until he had put all his demons to rest, metaphorically, and also physically as he slayed those who had ruined him and his life.

**__**

'I make my journey through eternity'

So long though, every single minute that he would take to achieve what he had set out to do. Every moment an eternity before he could hold the man before him in his arms. But until then, until then…

**__**

'I keep the memory of you and me inside'

******

**__**

'Fulfill your destiny,

Is there within the child,

My storm will never end,

My fate is on the wind,

The king of hearts, the joker's wild'

He rested his aching body on the balcony rails. Lifting his red head, violet eyes gazed at the dark heavens. As always, they were taunting him.

He could never predict what Fate had planned for him. And Fate seemed to have taken a liking to teasing him. 

She had been taken from him again. All that was left was a cross carved on the bed. Desperation, anger, frustration had nearly done him in. The only thing that had kept him sane was that he would be seeing him again. No matter the circumstances, seeing him would always bring him peace, and hope.

It was torturous, the tearing of two souls within one entity, one person.

How he wished he could be able to live and love as he chooses. Wasn't that the dream and the destiny of every individual?

But he was not in control. And what a joke his life was turning out to be.

He had found him, the one who owned his heart. Yet, he was unable to do anything about it, unable to claim what lay before him without fearing how it would affect him. Unable to hold in his hands the one thing he wanted more than anything, other than his revenge.

Not yet. Not time yet.

He could only pray that Fate would smile on him at the end. He only prayed that she would let the one he loved wait for him.

Until then, he could only cling onto one hope: 

**__**

'We don't say goodbye,

We don't say goodbye'

And when all was over, when all was laid to rest… 

**__**

'I'll make them all remember me'

That he promised himself. He would let everyone see the man he was supposed to be. 

**__**

'Cos I have found a dream that must come true,

Every ounce of me must see it though'

Determination flooded the violet gaze that issued a challenge to the heavens, as if daring them to toy with him again. He would not give up his dream without a fight this time.

There was always that one thought which fueled him on…

**__**

'But you are my only'

******

**__**

'I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play,

Hand over my heart I'll find my way,

I will make them give to me'

Fists clenched, he gritted his teeth as he remembered the look in those dark eyes as they were turned away from him, downcast, sorrowful.

His own eyes fell closed as he remembered those words, and that voice, so soft, so aching:

"I'm sorry Aya. I shouldn't have said it. I understand that you don't want to hear it. I…I won't say it again."

He wished he could say the same words in return. But he couldn't. Not yet. 

The only reply he could afford was to drag the conveyor of love back towards him and hold him close. And to look him in those lovely eyes and tell him: "Give me time. Give me a little more time."

He could only hope that the emotions beneath those words were understood.

He would have to work harder. He would have to find, and slay his demons, and make them give him the closure he needed.

The closure he needed to freely love without fear again. The one he loved deserved that much.

******

**_'Immortality_**

There is a vision and a fire in me

I keep the memory of you and me, inside'

He never much cherished his life before. He never had anything to hope for.

But now, now he would do anything and everything to stay alive. 

That person, he had rekindled a light in him. Rekindled the spark that would keep him going. And that person was always with him- his beauty, his innocence, his warmth, his concern, his love. He was with him in his heart…

That person was waiting for him.

He was waiting for him, he had said as much. Waiting willingly, patiently, with the smile that always stole his soul.

And he wouldn't let his love down.

He had finally managed to somewhat beat his fear. Had finally managed to give the one he loved a semblance of the promise he wanted to make to him. They were only five words, but they were enough to have the most beautiful smile bestowed upon him…

**__**

'And we don't say goodbye…'

His love had understood.

He smiled as he remembered the feel of warm lips on his cheek before his angel pulled away softly.

There was so much more that he wanted to say. 

**__**

'With all my love for you

And what else we may do'

There would come the day when he could hold his love to him, and enjoy the simple things in life. 

No need for dramatics, no need for theatrics. 

Just having him beside him, watching the sun's last light. Just being together, welcoming the first star bright*…

The time would come soon. He knew.

Until then…

Ken…

**__**

'We don't say… goodbye…'

'Wait for me…'

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----------------

owari

**__**

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* This line, I vaguely recall it being used in some old song before, tho I seriously don't remember which song and by whom. So if anyone knows where it's from, let me know?

*sighs* So anyways, how was it? Ok? Bad?

Please tell me what you think? At least let me know whether I should ever try writing a songfic again. 

Thank you.

**__**


End file.
